What Happens in the In-Between

Something I have been thinking a lot about recently is this period that I am in. This transitional period of the “old self” not quite fitting anymore, but the “new self” not quite being clear either. It can feel confusing, maybe a little lost and searching at times.

Humans don’t really like uncertainty, so I occasionally find myself feeling like I need to have the answers, and I need to have them now! I’m realizing that this is actually a place where so many people find themselves. It’s a period that happens after major transitions in life: divorce, career change, empty nest, death and loss, but also becoming a parent, getting a promotion, or starting a business. All things that can potentially change your identity, good and bad.

Of course, the more negative experiences can feel heavier, more pressing to figure out who you are, who you are becoming, and to have the answers. It’s made me wonder what happens in the in-between. I’ve recently learned this is called the liminal period (who knew there was a scientific name for it!).

Now that I know this is actually a defined thing, I have been seeing it show up in other ways as well, with other descriptors for it, and I realize so many people are questioning what to do during this period of time. In a more spiritual sense, I’ve heard it called the dark night of the soul, or the waiting room. The period of transition before the awakening.

It makes me wonder if this is an explanation that is easier for some people to digest, to make sense of what is going on, and to feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel to this uncertainty. That there is a purpose for this… rather than a psychological phase that happens during periods of identity change.

Something I have been trying, as I pass the time in the “waiting room,” is experimenting with things that help me get closer to clarity on what fits and what doesn’t. I use my method of considering one small step I can take to find evidence of whether something resonates with me now or not. I’ve actually been seeing this show up in many of my coaching sessions as well, and it seems to resonate with others. These small steps and experiments have pushed me much further along than anything else I have tried, and they’re teaching me a lot about myself.

Last week, I took a big step and asked for help in one of the groups I’m in for other coaches on the ICF path. I was a little overwhelmed by the amount of outreach I received from my request! I’ve had the opportunity to connect with other coaches from around the world, see their coaching styles as they coach me, and also experience something that really fills my cup as I get to coach them.

I get a small glimpse into their worlds as they share their stories with me. It feels like an honor to be entrusted with them and to know that this gets to be a part of the new identity I am building for myself. It gives me evidence that resonates with my soul that I am on the right path and makes the uncertainty a little less dense.

It reconnects me further with who I am and forms new connections with “strangers” who are actually not so different from me. I can see myself in so many parts of their stories, and my heart reaches out to theirs. I get to be a witness, which I am finding I really love. At the same time, I have to practice vulnerability as they coach me (it can be scary!). I’m finding a lot to be grateful for in the in-between.

I still don’t have everything figured out yet, but I am open to trying experiments during this time and learning to enjoy the process of discovery. It’s given me courage to try new things because it’s not a failure if it doesn’t work out how I want it to. It’s just data in an experiment, and that somehow feels easier to manage.

I want to make the most of this in-between period and not think of it as being lost, but as being an explorer who is on an adventure. Honestly, that’s what life is really about anyway, right?

And the beautiful part is that this time, I get to decide what fits and what doesn’t. I have more awareness and intention, more openness to the path ahead.

A lot seems to be happening in the in-between for me!